If you’re currently struggling to get pregnant and the thought of festive get-togethers is filling you with dread, rather than joy, then you’re not alone. It’s been suggested that as many as 90% of people struggling to conceive find Christmas to be one of the most challenging times of year. Spending more time with family and friends means there are more opportunities for the topic of conversation to turn to pregnancy and the dreaded question of “when are you going to have a baby?” Not only that, but there’s obviously more chance you’ll find yourself spending time with other families with babies and young children, which can be triggering.
If you’re struggling to conceive, it’s totally understandable why at this time of year it might feel like you’re trying to navigate an emotional minefield. To help you manage this difficult period, I've put together the following eight strategies that may help you cope a little better with your social commitments this Christmas.
Be selective
There are always so many social events happening throughout December but remember that you don’t need to attend all of them, especially if they’re likely to make you feel uncomfortable. Decide which events you want to go to least and consider skipping them. It’s hard to say no to people you care about, but it’s important to put yourself first and to prioritise your emotional wellbeing.
Set boundaries and manage expectations
If you’re attending gatherings with close friends and family who know you’re struggling to conceive, consider setting boundaries in advance and giving people a heads up on what you are, and aren’t, willing to talk about (i.e., infertility!) Gently let them know that you’d rather not discuss this topic and would rather focus on enjoying the event together instead.
Plan for tricky conversations
Even if you’ve been clear about your boundaries there may still be someone who asks you a question that’s a little close to the bone. It can therefore be helpful to have pre-planned some responses to any questions you anticipate might make you feel uncomfortable. It might be a direct statement such as “that’s a little personal, I’d rather not discuss it” or you might plan to divert attention away from you in that moment, by excusing yourself to use the bathroom or to go and get something to eat.
Take a break
If you’re at an event and starting to feel overwhelmed, try excusing yourself and finding somewhere quiet to spend a few moments alone. Try grounding yourself by focusing on your senses – what can you see, hear, smell, and feel? Focus on your breathing to help soothe and calm yourself before returning to the gathering.
Devise an exit plan
Planning in advance an excuse for leaving, that you feel comfortable with, may give you peace of mind that you can easily exit the situation if it all gets too much. Perhaps you plan to feign a headache or to say you’ve got commitments early the next morning. A few white lies in this context are worth it for protecting your emotional wellbeing.
Lean on your loved ones
If you have told those closest to you that you’re struggling to conceive, let them know how you’re feeling. Infertility can be an isolating experience, but you don’t have to cope with it on your own. Attending a social gathering knowing that your loved ones understand your concerns and have your back, can provide a sense of comfort and reassurance.
Prioritise self-care
If you’ve been struggling to conceive for some time, you may be feeling emotionally and physically drained. Feeling burnt out before the Christmas parties even begin may mean that your emotional threshold is lower. Prioritising self-care in the lead up to these events may help to reduce emotional reactivity and boost your resilience in challenging situations. Carve out some time to do something relaxing or soothing, such as reading, spending time in nature, meditation, or anything else that makes you feel calm and centred.
Show yourself some kindness
Try not to give yourself a hard time if you find yourself struggling to cope with your emotions whilst at an event. Your feelings are totally understandable and valid – dealing with infertility is hard. You’re not a robot, so it’s natural that your emotions will bubble up to the surface from time to time. Talk to yourself as if you would a friend; validate your emotions and kindly reassure yourself that there's nothing wrong with expressing genuine feelings of sadness or distress.
Final thoughts
The festive season can be particularly tough if you're struggling to conceive or dealing with infertility. Implementing some of these strategies can help you to better manage social situations and protect your emotional wellbeing. Remember that your needs matter and that it’s ok to put yourself first whilst navigating the challenges that come with this time of year.
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